First up - The Secret Truth of the First Intercontinental Title Tournament
The Truth behind the first Intercontinental Title Tournament.
During any defence of the IC title, or appearance by Pat Patterson, or in some unfortunate situations the defence of Pat Patterson (often by a lawyer - don't judge, it's not his fault some of those ring boys are so damned attractive), the announcers will offer a knowing wink to the smart fans and fans of wrestling history and mention the night in Rio De Janeiro when Pat won the tournament and became the inaugural IC champion.
Oh how we chuckle at home as we envision the giant “quote marks” that bookend any smug comment about Mr P's greatest moment. Since the late 1990's when pro wrestling started to drift away from the strict rule of kayfabe, like a poorly tethered oil tanker drifting from its moorings to bring sticky doom to a legion of baby seals and puffins, or the Road Warriors drifting from all that made them great and using Rocky the doll as their inspiration, even the most casual of fans knows the truth all too well, the tournament was a work, that the tournament never happened.
Doesn't it feel good to be in on the joke?
For those readers not acquainted with the story, here is a potted version:
Dateline 1979 – Pat Patterson defeats Ted DiBiase for the North American Heavyweight Title. I know, I'd never heard of it either – a cursory Wikipedia search suggests it was a short lived title that was awarded to DiBiase upon his first signing with the WWF. Patterson then proceeds to take his newly won title down to Rio to partake in a tournament to crown a champion of many continents – an Intercontinental Champion if you will.
He wins and returns triumphant to the US to defend this prestigious new belt against all the W(W)WF talent. Well the talent that wasn't deemed good enough to challenge for the world title but competent wrestlers for the most part. Ken Patera would soon relieve him of the belt and a new title lineage was begun. A lineage that would include such luminaries as Test, Chyna and Santino Marella. If, in 1979, the belt had known the weight of history that was to come, it would have buckled immediately.
Side Note: What kind of hold did DiBiase have over the McMahons? Vince the Elder creates a title when Ted signs for the first time, and is later given a billionaire lifestyle when Junior Vinnie acquires his services. I know that he was considered one of the premier workers of his or any generation but Harley Race may be top three all time had to wear a tin crown and polyester cape and job remorselessly for the Junkyard Dog. Terry Taylor was no slouch between the ropes and all he got was a pink Mohawk and the freedom to “cock-a-doodle-doo” at liberty in his promo's. Dusty Rhodes was given spandex polka dots as acknowledgement of his contributions to the grapple game. Perhaps the McMahons got it right occasionally, but I digress.
Behind the smug chuckles and knowing smiles, the WWF harbours a secret, a deep dark secret that it has kept quiet for over thirty years. but it is time for the conspiracy of silence to end and lift the veil of secrecy.
It has taken a lot of research - leafing through reams of old newspaper clippings and microfiche (there's a reference for the teenagers – microfiche! Lets put some deely boppers on and listen to Debbie Gibson), some bribery, a little intimidation, a smidgeon of guesswork, and yes, the granting of one or two sexual favours (I'll go that far for a scoop, don't judge me) but here we have the true story of the Intercontinental Title Tournament.
It actually happened!
(pause for dramatic effect)
Yes, the tournament that we all know is fictional is as real as Milli Vanilli's vocal work or the WMD's in Iraq. No, wait. Its real and here is the untold story.
It's March 1979 and Vince McMahon Sr is running the World Wide Wrestling Federation. He has a champion who draws well but he knows his promotion is lacking something. Many of his wrestlers are touring overseas and performing for big crowds in Japan, which was at the time, easily the most profitable territory in the world. Vince Sr decides he wants a piece of this action, but how? The AWA and NWA both have strong links over there which will be hard to break and his spoken Japanese is only marginally better than his ability juggle chainsaws. He consults with his trusted right hand man – Gorilla Monsoon – but can't understand a bloody word he says so he looks back at what worked before and calls his brain trust into his office.
As was the style at the time, megalomaniac bosses were wont to record every conversation in their offices. Nixon started it and was impeached but many CEO's ignored this minor inconvenience, preferring to focus on the benefits of recording for posterity the many hilarious ways they proposition their secretary for sex. Vince Sr was no different and here in it's unredacted form is a transcript f the fateful conversation.
Vince Sr (for it is he) “Guys, we need a slice of the Japanese pie”
Pat Patterson “Sushi boss”
VM “What?”
PP “They eat sushi over dere boss, not pie. They don't eat no American food, it's what makes 'em so unscrupulous”
VM “Unscrupu-what? I don't know about pie but you must have swallowed a dictionary Pat”
All: Much sycophantic laughter, nothing changes around the McMahons
VM: “Anyhoo, we need a slice of the Japanese whatever and I got an idea of how to do it. Gorilla?”
Gorilla Monsoon: “Yeah boss”
VM: “Didn't we work with Inoki in that disastrous thing with Ali in 75?” That was Japanese wasn't it?”
GM: “It was but we kinda took a bath on that one remember? Even Andre couldn't save us”
VM: “Aah, I blame the boxers, pansy asses to a man” If they had Bruno in there it woulda all been different”
GM “Sure would boss, it woulda been a regular wrestling match”
VM: “You ain't helping Gorilla”
GM “ Sorry boss”
VM: “ Back to business, I got a point here to make. We gotta synergise!”
All: Blank stares all round
VM: “You know do stuff together – Not that Pat, put it away! - my boy Junior taught me the word. We are gonna take a piece of the sushi and boost our own sushi at the same time”
GM: “Do we actually have sushi cause I'm getting hungry. Pie would be good too”
VM: “Can it fatso. Now what is it that we've been needing more of for ages?
Jack Brisco enters the room
JB “ A comeback from the legendary Brisco brothers?”
PP: “An increase in the number of ring boys”
GM: “more pie?
VM: “No you morons – titles, we need more titles and I got just the one we need”. The NWA has their US Title right? Well we are gonna make a North American Title, huh? Huh?
Non-committal grunts from all present until, in a timid voice, Pat speaks up.
PP “But boss, you wanted a piece of sushi, ain’t no sushi in North America”
VM “Thats the genius part. Gather round boys because this is pure gold. We make a North American title then merge it with another title to make that new title even better!”
GM “But it can't be bigger that than the world title boss”
VM “True, we need something thats bigger than the US but smaller than the World, c'mon guys, we need ideas”
JB “The moon”
PP “The sea”
GM “Europe”
PP “Gorilla you idiot, Europe’s a country”
GM “It's a continent actually, I leaned it it night school, there’s a bunch of em, Europe, North America, erm, South America and.... well look it up, I ain't your teacher!”
VM “Hush up your bickering, the fat goofball may be onto something here!
GM “Hey!”
VM “ You're fat, deal with it. Japan’s a continent right?!
GM “It's In a continent boss”
VM “Great, so we make the new belt a belt for the continents. The Multi Continental Title!” No, wait, the Intercontinental Title!!! That works, right guys”
Enthusiastic nodding all round followed by much rolling of eyes when Vince's back is turned”
VM “So we take the North American Title, put on a Japanese guy and call it the intercontinental title. We get a foothold in the sushi and watch the money roll in! Perfect. Should we use Inoki again?”
GM “ We kinda owe him. He was a good sport about it – the Yakuza din't kill us or anything”
JB “ Aww not that guy, he thinks he is a real tough guy, what an ass”
PP “What an ass indeed!”
JB (ignoring Pat) “Anyway boss, how do we do it, we can't just have one of our guys lay down for a Jap guy, it'll be like Pearl Harbour again”
GM “tasteless Jack, tasteless. Anyway, why don't we hold a tournament? Our guy can be cheated by someone so he doesn't do a clean job. Inoki can swoop in and win the title. We don't lose face and it's sushi all round, whaddya say”
VM (ponders for a few seconds) “I love it! Lets make it happen. An eight man tournament, one guy representing each continent, winner takes all”
JB “Seven boss”
VM “Say what?”
JB (referring to an encyclopedia) “says here there are seven continents, don't ask me to pronounce 'em”
VM “OK a seven man tournament, one from every continent”
GM “ can't have a tournament with seven guys boss, one guy won't have the same number of matches, won't be fair.
JB “or Penguins”
All turn puzzlingly at Brisco
JB “Says here that the only people living in one of em is penguins”
PP “Penguins ain't people dumbass”
VM “ And they sure as hell ain't wrestlers either. Okay, so we got six guys. We give two of em byes to the second round, Inoki gets one – it will keep him sweet and we can decide the other”
All “Great boss” “good thinking” “I really want some pie”
VM Now go away and get me my six, and a place to hold it. Not MSG, and not Japan. We gotta be seen to be neutral on this. Gorilla, you map out the finishes, Jack, get me the six wrestlers, Pat, find me the venue, somewhere exotic, this needs to have some mystery and glamour”
PP “I know just the place, I go there all the time!”
With that, the brain trust depart.
Gorilla maps out a standard tournament with finishes designed to make Inoki get over and Protect the Yank.
Pat immediately books his usual suite at the the downtown hotel in Rio and starts scouting. After a few days he decides to search for venues in stead.
Jack looks for international wrestlers to fill out the bracket. Easier said than done in the pre-internet days. From his notepad, we learned the following:
Asia – Antonio Inoki. Done deal
Europe . Jack clearly knows wrestling is popular in Europe, but because he knows he will end up having to run this thing he doesn't want any more language issues than he will already face so he wants a British guy. He calls Judo Al Hayes. Al says it couldn't be more obvious. The biggest draw in Britain – Big Daddy.
For those unfamiliar with Big Daddy, he was fat. Thats pretty much it. His signature move was the belly bump where he would thrust his bulbous stomach at the opponent who would be so overwhelmed that he would lay down in fear of further fatness. He also wore a top hat and sequins, and his real name was Shirley. I shit you not, look it up. The British were easily pleased back then
North America – Figuring that Pat would head one of his favourite hotspots for the venue and would insist on tagging along to help out, he might as well make him the competitor – saves on airfare.
Australasia – Tough one, there aren't many to choose from. The Sheepherders are mental so they are out. Jack decides to call up Roy Heffernan of the Royal Kangeroos to work one for old times sake.
Africa – Apparently the One Man Gang expressed an interest, babbling on about his spiritual heritage but McMahon said he wanted legitimate competitors from each continent so it has to be a real. African. Easy choice- Kamala, The Ugandan Giant.
South America –
The captain of the Titanic failing to keep an eye out for icebergs
Greedo shooting first in the bar in Mos Eisley
Alan Rickman taking Bruce Willis' wife hostage in Die Hard
These are all pivotal moments where just taking that extra moment to consider the consequences of ones actions would have made all the difference. In this situation, here is that decision.
Knowing they are going to Rio (fucking Patterson and his love of cabana boys) a place hitherto not known as a pro wrestling hotbed, Jack foregoes the wealth of talent available in Mexico and Puerto Rico. Instead he quite reasonably decides that they need a local guy to ensure the crowds show up. He puts a few calls in and presumably due to the language difficulties, fails to communicate what he wants but still comes away thinking he has the perfect guy. A Brazilian hero, many years experience and with a tough guy reputation to boot, perfect. The South American representative will be...
Helio Gracie.
Yes, Helio Gracie, father of Brazilian Ju Jitsu and papa of the fightingest clan of hard cases ever to put a choke hold on a sucker. If you are unaware of his accomplishments, read this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helio_gracie
Now you understand why this may have been a little unwise, all things considered.
As far as the WWWF were concerned, the whole thing was set. All participants duly accepted the invitation because, well, a few days in Rio, a hefty paycheck and the knowledge that almost nobody at home will ever hear about it, made the whole thing very appealing. The North American title was created as planned and given to Ted DiBiase (who, feeling he was somehow special, kept asking for someone to carry it around for him. He didn't specify it should be a man of colour but that was the impression Vince Sr got) In relatively short order, the title was transitioned to Pat Patterson ready for him to put it up in the tournament. The title that is.
The date was set. A tournament in Rio on September 1st 1979. From a scrap of paper found in a (formerly) locked filing cabinet in Titan Towers, we have determined that the original seeding and tournament plan was as follows.
Seed
1 Antonio Inoki. Received a bye to the second round
2 Helio Gracie. Also receives a bye as he is the local boy
3 Pat Patterson
4 Kamala
5 Big Daddy
6 Roy Heffernan
Kamala and Heffernan were to be the sacrificial lambs in round 1, thereby setting up a semi final bracket of Inoki vs Daddy and Gracie vs Patterson. Inoki would go over clean while Patterson would be cheated of victory by a biased local referee. In the final, Inoki would prevail over the local hero in an epic match where the crowd would be so impressed that they would take this foreigner to their hearts and embrace above all others. This grotesque stroking of the ego was the only way Inoki would sign on to the deal.
In the words of the poet Robert Burns, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”. Rarely has a truer word been spoken. I have located a rare interview with a member of the WWWF team who ran the event telling all about what happened on the first night. I do not know who the interviewer was and cannot verify the authenticity of the tape but the level of detail lead me to believe it was the real thing. He would only speak under a pseudonym so for the purposes of the interview, he was to be referred to as “Skarnold Aaland” or SA for short. What follows are transcripts of the key excerpts of the interview.
Interviewer “ So what was was it like when you got there?”
SA “It was freakin' crazy man! I seen all sorts o' shit in Koh-rea (sic) when the boys in my batallion got a little battle-nuts you know what I mean but they way them guys reacted when they got to Rio, man you woulda thought the inmates had been given to the keys to the asylum man”
IV “What do you mean?”
SA “Sheeeet, they went crazy, they all knew ain't nobody at home gonna see this so they figured they could just go out an party in the car-ne-val and turn up to the tournament all bent outta shape and hungover and shit. Man they just didn't give a flying you know whut”
SA “All except Inoki o' course. He arrives in a private jet an all with the biggest entourage I ever seen. He steps off the plane and I seen the look on his face when he took them shades off, man that was one unhappy Japanese cat. You woulda thought someone had taken a giant dump under his nose that very second the way he twisted his face. Right then I knew this whole situation was gonna turn ugly – and I was right. I even told Jack (Brisco), I said Jackie, I said, you an me should just get our asses on the next flight and get the hell outta Dodge cos this shit is gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets better,. Course he wasn't listenin' cos he knew that if he pulled this off, he would be able to split from that southern company he was in and go work for Vince full-time. Not many people knew it but he was in with the McMahons for years before Black Saturday or whatever they called it. Yep, him and Vince Senior were like two bugs in a rug, he just needed one big score to make it so he could come to New York full time”
(On Inoki)
SA “Y'see, old Inoki was not happy from minute one. He was expecting a big crowd of fans to meet him off the plane cos he was such a big star an' all but he never figured that Brazil ain't no wrasslin town and nobody, but nobody heard of him so his precious ego was battered from the start. Thats when the booking went all to shit”
(On the events leading up to the first match)
AS “So Gorilla is there with all the boys, going through the matches and how it's gonna go. The only problem is that half of em are hungover and the rest are still drunk so he ain't getting through to 'em real well”
That ain't his biggest problem o'course. Damned Inoki ain't showed, he's been in his hotel, bitchin' to Vince on the phone about how this wasn't what he expected and all that. Now Vince is panicking like shit cos with no Inoki, all his Japanese plans go up in smoke so he promises that Inoki can take the book on the tournament”
“Problem is, ain't nobody told Gorilla this until like two minutes befo' bell time”
AS “In retrospect, I probably shoulda noticed how quiet Gracie was being when Gorilla was talkin'. He was sat there in the corner in his fancy white Judo outfit while his buddy translated for him. I just thought he was being polite, what with him in a faggoty-ass costume, he probably didn't wanna risk upsetting the shit kickers we had in the room”. “Anyway, Inoki comes in and says (through his translator o' course) that the plan had changed and the seeds didn't matter. He was going to wrestle his semi final against the local boy instead so the fans could see how great he was and make him the face for the final”
AS “ Gorilla wasn't best pleased with this but he's a pro, he knew he could make it work. The other boys didn't really give a shit. If I'm honest, I think they cottoned on to what a prick Inoki was and knew better than to argue, and as I said, they had all partaken of a little too much o' the nightlife and weren't best placed to make a stand. I mean, Heffernan looked like he was gonna puke, Kamala was groaning a lot and that Limey asswipe Shirley kept farting and farting. That sonofabitch had more noxious gas coming outta him than goddam three mile island. I swear, if thats how they are on the rainy little island of theirs you can keep it buddy”
AS “So they all walk out to the ring for the official introduction of the wrestlers and I'll be damned if the arena isn't full to busted. I heard that they gave up trying to keep people out, they were just dying to see this. I said to Gorilla I said, “Goh-rilla, we just might get this baby done” but he looked at me and he was as white as week old shit. I had no idea what was going on until he said “look at those guys”. Now there were four outta the six who looked like they was gonna pass out but two of em were smilin' – Inoki cos he thought they were all there for him, and Gracie – he had a kinda smirk that a cat would get when he knew he had the mouse cornered. Right then I knew that we were gonna have us some trouble that night”
(On the matches)
AS “The first couple of matches went as well as could be expected. Daddy went over Kamala in a piece a shit match between the two fat bastards but the crowd were fucking hyped man. I mean, you woulda thought they'd given speed to every man woman and child in the building. They was expecting something good tonight but I knew this wasn't it, but hey, a hot crowd is a hot crowd. Pat carried Roy through a five minute affair, no big whoops but that damn crowd didn't sit down through the whole thing”
“So now we got Daddy against Pat and Gracie layin' down for Inoki. Now I was at ringside for Pat and Captain Ass Gas' match and they put on a pretty good show for about ten minutes but then, just as Pat is callin' the screwjob spot, Daddy says something like (Puts on a northern English accent)
“Fook Pat, ahm fooked, y' gonna have to pin me lad, ah can't fooking stand up”
“I may not speak like the Queen o' England but I figured that meant that the Fart-o-matic 3000 was done, his goose was cooked and Pat realised it too. The mountain o' lard wasn't used to workin' one full match a night, forget two. Pat looked at me and I gave him the the nod that he's just gonna have to pin this guy. Gorilla wouldn't be happy but we was in a real tight bind”
“ Bow we get backstage and I'm expectin' to catch hell from Gorilla but there all sorts o' drama occurin' right about now. Turns out that one of Inoki's crew speaks the same language as one of Gracie's crew and when they tried to plan the match, hooh boy were there some crossed wires!”
“See, nobody knew Gracie was for real, I mean he was like some Bruce Lee type god over there. He wasn't here for the show, he was here to goddam fight. Inoki, being the arrogant prick he is figures he's got enough legit skills to take this guy on. Now I don't know Inoki's skills from a hole in the mud but from what Gracie's boy was telling me, this was gonna be like a chainsaw going up against a puddin' pop”
The report on the next match comes from a newspaper clipping from Jornal Des Sports from the following day, a small newspaper in Rio covering sporting events. This was the only reference I could find – I suspect there was a media blackout. I present selected translated excerpts.
Chaos reigned in the Arena los San Gennaro last night as beloved hero Helio Gracie was victorious in defeating the man who would seek to humiliate him by asking him to participate in a theatrical presentation of combat. Gracie, 66, the legendary creator of Ju Jitsu was fooled into thinking he was to be the host of a major international fighting tournament featuring the finest competitors from around the globe.
It is unclear at what point the ruse was uncovered but the fans in attendance quickly saw through the charade when two obese westerners, one a black man with symbols painted on his torso, the other, an elderly British man with a cape of sequins that would embarrass the most fervent carnival attendee, laboured through a laughable show of apparent combat.
At this point the local police chief was said to be considering halting the event, fearing the crowd, who had come expecting a serious tournament, would turn ugly, however upon consultation, it was decided that they had to see their hero or the situation would get out of hand.
After some more shameful theatrics, Gracie was due to compete. As befits his stature, Gracie stood tall in the ring awaiting his opponent – a Japanese man of questionable physical attributes who appeared to be very nervous but his arrogance was clear for all to see. The audience were at fever pitch as the awaited the inevitable destruction of the Oriental opponent who exhibited a bizarre array of apparent karate moves in an ill-fated attempt to intimidate the 10th degree red belt in the opposite corner.
Returning to the Skarnold Aaland interview
AS “Boy, I went me for a leak figurin' that I was gonna have to deal with all sorts o' crap after this match and I didn't wanna do that on a full bladder. I was strollin' outta the head zippin myself up when Pat cam runnin' up to me sayin (name deleted) “it's done, it's over and I ain't going out there against that madman!”. I was like “whats over Pat?” “The Inoki match, it was less than a minute and now Inoki is crying in the middle of the ring and his leg is bent in a crazy way”.
“I thought he was back on the pop if you get my drift but nope, he was right. Turns out Gracie was pissed at all of us for not clueing him to the business when he was a serious shoot guy, and he took it out on Inoki's tibula. Well now we got ourselves a situation that henry Kissinger hisself couldn't fix”
Much of the next five minutes was a garbled mess I have summarised the main points:
- Gracie really did think it was a legit tournament and was not happy when he learned that it was pre-planned. Rather than withdraw and look like a coward, he chose to proceed but on his terms
- Inoki had the opportunity to withdraw when he learned of Gracies background but decided that by beating a ju jitsu legend with his own martial arts skills, it would enhance his stature to god-like. He referred to his defeat of Muhammed Ali as proof that he was the king of all fighting arts. Seriously, what??
- Patterson may or may not have soiled himself when he realised that he was due in the final against this man
- The crowd gave Gracie a twenty minute ovation
- Kamala, already in a cab on his way to the airport with Big Daddy, was last seen chuckling to himself about something and his departing comment to Patterson (in surprisingly good English for a Ugandan native, with a hint of southern twang) of “Good luck Pat, you'll need it” suggests that he may have known more about the situation than he let on.
- Gorilla Monsoon and Jack Brisco were at panic level DefCon 5. They were frantically trying to find a fix to the tournament that would satisfy Vince and more importantly, not piss the crowd off so they could get out alive.
Back to Skarnold Aaland.
“I don't know if Gorilla has a guardian angel or if he's the luckiest sonofabitch I know. He was in a situation where he was gonna have to send Pat out to his death or take a whoopin' hisself from Vince. Gorilla tried getting one of the other guys to take the fall instead of Pat but Heffernan was out of it, he was drunk as a skunk, Kamala and the human stinkbomb had already hightailed it outta there and Inoki was in the emergency room threatening to sue everyone in sight. Anyway, just as we we preparing to sacrifice Pat, Gracie went on the house mic and started trashing the tournament and the WWWF before telling them that he wasn't gonna take any more part and walked outta the arena. Pheweee! Pat was off the hook. Only problem was that we didn't have a final and we thought the crowd were gonna be pissed if they didn't get a finish. That angel came back for an encore in the shape of the police chief who told us to get the hell outta there. The crowd were happy about Gracies speech but would riot if we sent anyone else out there. We didn't need tellin' twice, we grabbed our shit and ran to the airport! The arena announcer told the crowd that Gracie was the winner and we couldn't care less”
The aftermath.
- Heffernan claims he cannot recall what happened the whole time. This may be due to the volume of alcohol consumed but it may also be to the agreement of silence that Vince Sr begged everyone involved to adhere to
- Years later, upon being fired by Vince Jr, Kamala broke that silence and admitted that he did indeed realise what was happening that night and told Big Daddy during their match. Daddy, not being as stupid as he was obese, decided to take a dive in his semi-final.
- Gracie made it clear to all concerned that if the WWWF ever set foot in his country again he would set his boys on them. To this day, pro wrestling in Brazil is a non-entity. One positive however was that Rorion, one of Gracie's boys, took inspiration from the idea and fifteen years later created the Ultimate Fighting Championship
- Inoki was pissed off! This was not the way it was meant to go and he blamed everybody, not least of all, Vince Sr. Vince tried to make it up to him by creating a Martial Arts World Title for him at the following years Shea Stadium show but the damage was done and the WWWF never did gain a serious foothold in Japan.
- With no official winner of the tournament, the Brain trust had the length of the flight back home to come up with a plausible story for Vince. The best they could come up with was to make Pat the new champion and keep the title as a secondary belt in the WWWF.
- Amazingly, Vince was amenable to this suggestion and the title was born!
- All who were involved were suitably embarrassed about the whole debacle that they did not need the threats / pleading / bribery from Vince to never discuss the tournament. There was an unspoken agreement that it never happened!
So there you have it, when you next hear that smug announcer make a snide comment about that night in Rio, intimating that it never occurred, just remember that he isn't as smart as he thinks he is. It's not that the Tournament never happened, it's that the Tournament NEVER HAPPENED OK!”
Dr DR
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